Lost in the Black Hole

All my pics from 2005 - 2007. All gone. Just gone forever.

My marriage pics. My pretty saris, my traditional avtar. Of blushing and smiling shyly. Of a surreptitious hand-hold. Of my lovely anklets sitting on the oonjal. 

All gone. 

My honeymoon pics.Of an overrated houseboat. Of holding hands on the Dal Lake. Of my first flower bouquet from the 'husband' at midnight on the Nagina lake. Of giggling in front of the 'Hum tum ek kamre mein band ho' cabin in Gulmarg. Of walking in a skirt and transparent poncho, in front of Hazratbal (and being fully out of place). Of a fantastic meal with the yummiest nadru yakhni at the InterCon Srinagar. Of smiling at the Himalayas. And hugging before leaving for the airport.

All gone. 

My entire US stay pics. Especially the one with cherry blossoms and the fall colors and on Route 1 and in Boston and RI and NH and the Grand Canyon. Of our lovely semi-detached townhome. Of my attempts at cooking in the kitchen. Of our first snowfall together. Of our faithful Volvo. Of the touristy NY and Niagara pics. Of our Bird-in-the-hole trip to Amish County, PA. Of the 'kisses' lamps in Hershey Town. Of the quaint ice-cream shops (esp 'The Bent Spoon' at Princeton town). Of our first Hindi movie at New Brunswick.

All gone. 

Pics on my initial years at Bombay. My first Khala Ghoda. My first eunach friend. My first ram-phal experience. My 'Tendulkar' water bottle at Tendulkars. My first train journey from Dadar to Churchgate.My first German class. My first (and only) driving attempt of a toota-phoota Cielo. My first Bombay rains and its magic. My first 'Naturals' icecream. My first visit to Haji-Ali. My first rose bouquet on V Day from the husband.

All gone. 

All gone.

Now to hope some tech wizard does some magic with the hard disk and gets it back. Until then, memories, don't fade away. Grey cells, stay. Age, don't take away the lovely moments.

ps: Yes. Condolences and Sympathies would be welcome. 

Valentine: Then and Now

This year at the lovely age of 33, Valentine's Day was spent apart... and it did not even matter... much! I was thinking about what really V day means to me.. when I was in college, it was spent mooning over the lack of a suitable boyfriend. And later, before I got married, it whirled by in a blur of dates and gifts, all meaningless, all in gaiety. And then post marriage, the first couple of years saw us 'dating' .. gifts, flowers, wine, dinner... the works. Then it saw us sitting down for a pleasurable leisurely dinner and after 2 kids and 8 years together.. it is just another day. A day that reminds us that we are growing older 'together' and in love (still, luckily!).

V-day doesn't matter any more. The days of fireworks, guts and glory are gone past. Now it is the steady hand of love, of friendship and of support that counts more. Especially while dealing with multiple practical realities like 2 growing children, ailing parents, EMIs, professional commitments and health goals. Does this mean there is no time for romance? Does it mean I don't need any affirmation of love? Of course not. On the contrary, I can't wait for a whole year for displays of love. I need it regularly. Everyday! Snatched moments. Goodbye kisses. Many hugs. Whispered 'I love you's. Romantic SMSes. These are daily occurrences. I revel in them every day and I pray they last a lifetime.

This year, the poet in my husband sent me a lovey-dovey romantic poem that put a smile on my face when I woke up. And then I wondered if my son and daughter would go through the cycle of V Day in a couple of decades (or maybe more, hopefully!) too!

Here's to love and romance all your life. 

Liebster Award: Delight

Zoe's Mom made my day. I was feeling upset that my usually well planned day is now at the mercy of my 3 month old and thus leading to infrequent blog posts, when I saw I was awarded the 'Liebster' :) Feeling grand! 

Awarded for 'promising' talent

Liebster is a German word which means kindest, dearest, beloved, cute, endearing... This award is given to new or promising bloggers who have less than 200 followers.  it is then passed along to other bloggers in the same category.

RULES:

·         Tell 11 Random facts about yourself

·         Answer the questions the nominator has asked in their post

·         Create 11 new questions for the bloggers you nominate

·         Nominate 11 bloggers whose blogs you read frequently and who have less than 200 followers.

·         Inform the nominee by commenting on one of their posts.

·         No tag back

Random facts about me! (And I had GREAT fun thinking them out and listing 'em!) 

1.     I can’t stand creepy-crawlies. Starting with cockroaches down to snails, snakes and earthworms. But lizards and spiders don’t scare me!

2.    I love eating vegetables, but strangely fruits are not high up on the list. Raw veggies – NO NO, but cooked? Bring it on!

3.    I LOVE traveling. Although my daughter is only 3 months old, I am already planning my next trip.

4.    My most fave physical feature in a person is dimples. I naturally gravitate towards dimpled smiles. No wonder I married my husband (who has 2 lovely dimples).

5.    My idea of a lovely midnight snack is a great glass of wine, cheese crackers and red velvet cupcakes.

6.    My all time fave book is ‘Gone With the Wind’ which I read during my class XII Board exams (which explains my Maths marks or lack thereof). I identify most strongly with Scarlett as a character. Jostling closely for number 2 spot is ‘Godfather’ and ‘JLS’.

7.    I enjoy dancing. One dream is to dance the salsa with the husband in a nightclub wearing a lovely dress that swirls around my knees and plunges down my back. (oops, too graphic?)

8.    Arvindswamy is my all-time fave hero. Followed by DiCaprio and Daniel Craig.

9.    As a child, I used to think that you can make coffee decoction only in the morning. If you tried making it in the afternoon, it will not turn out right (Tam conditioning?)

10.  I am generally a non-confrontational type and will go to many lengths to avoid any argument/fight of any sort at personal risk and pain!

11.  I always make lists, for everything. Especially though when I am traveling. Individual packing lists for each person, even detailing the toiletries and books to be carried.

Zoe’s mamma’s questions for me:

1.             If you can get to live a famous person's life for one day, who would it be and why?

I’d like to be an astronaut, Sunita Williams maybe? Just to see the moon up close and play obstacle race amidst the stars, dodging stray meteorites!

2.            What has the best blog post you have written (per you) and why do you think so?

My travel series on Ladakh. It was a fantastic trip and I enjoyed blogging about it almost as much as traveling.

3.            What is the worst blogging mistake you have done and why do you think so? 

Not trying hard enough. Especially with driving feeds and RSS and all the other jargon that I still don’t have time enough to figure out. Also, not working hard enough on the look or visiting other blogs often enough. (Hopefully will work on some mistakes this year!)

4.            1 book/movie character you would love to become for your life?

I already said it… Scarlett O’Hara. Movie character?  Maria in ‘Sound of Music’.

5.            If you get to do just 1 thing for yourself in 2013 what would you do?

Visit Iran.

6.            What’s the one food you’d wish to eat all the time and never get bored of? do not think about calories

No brainer – its Chocolate! But there  are cavities to think of, even if I ditch the calories!

7.            When you were younger what did you want to become? What are your views about that profession now. 

I wanted to become a teacher as a child, and then do hotel management. Ended up doing an MBA, but then re-calibrating my career choices now. I still believe that teaching is a fantastic vocation and a great career choice, if you are okay about the money that is.

8.            What was your favorite fairy-tale as a kid? Why? Do you still like it as much?

Hansel and Gretel. I loved the brother-sister bonding and the victory of courage over evil. Yes, I still LOVE it.

9.            What is the strangest thing about you?

My deep voice. Sometimes its mistaken for a high-pitched man’s and phone conversations become hilarious!

10.          What is your funniest childhood memory?

It wasn't so funny then; my sis was missing from her class in 1st standard and I was given hell for her absence. After much searching all over the school and school grounds, she was found sleeping, in her slip, in a teacher’s empty staff room. Why? She was sleepy and it was hot. Sigh!

11.          One person who has influenced you as a blogger.

Of late, Gauri. Her blog is well written, covers an eclectic range of topics and written in a sensible, yet witty tone. (Giving her the award too!)

I nominate –

1.       Gauri Venkitaraman
2.       Monika Manchanda
3.       Aparna Sanjay
4.      Trishna Pillai
5.      Pushpa Moorjani
6.      Uma Chellappa
7.       Smita Bhattacharya
8.       Arthi Anand
9.        Sirisha Achanta
10.       Simran Dhaliwal
11.       Dipali Taneja

 

Now for my 11 questions

1.     What is your fave song? Why? (You can choose to link the YouTube video of it if you love it lots).
2.     Why did you start your blog? Is it still fulfilling the original purpose?
3.     Have you moved to real life friendships with anyone from the blog world?
4.     What is your greatest achievement in your life?
5.     And your greatest regret? Could you have changed it?
6.     Which is your fave sitcom? And your fave movie?
7.     What’s your most fave place to visit? (Even the ones on your wish list) And why?
8.     If you were invisible for a day, what would you like to do?
9.     Who is your role model? And why?
10.    One thing you cannot live without.
11.    What’s your fave day-dream?

 Have fun! I love you girls and can't wait to read your entries. 

Pursuit of Happiness - 'Me' time

"I need myself too" : If and how do you take out time for yourself? What is your most preferred 'ME' Time?

When I read the topic as the 'theme-week' topic, the first reaction was to shy away and ignore it - but after a few days of thinking about it, here is a heartfelt account of how I arrived at my me-time and my pursuit of happiness. 

As a child, I've seen my mom put aside whatever she was doing to make time for my sister and I. I imbibed it as a motherhood ideal and did the same for the first couple of years after Button was born. When he was almost 3 (And I was just past 30) reality hit me. I was growing older and I hadn't spent anytime on myself in the last 3 years. Choosing not to work. Being a good mother and homemaker had consumed most of my time, energy and thought, but I wasn't too happy. I felt I hadn't taken out any me'time. The realization brought panic and a few weeks of calming walks and tears gave me some answers and 'nirvaana'!  

First of all, me-time is now ESSENTIAL to my very living. I've come to that realization. As a SAHM, I had to learn to shed aside overwhelming guilt to go out with my friends leaving my child(ren) behind with my 'hardworking' husband. I understood over time that I work very hard too - at keeping my house, caring for the children and making & sticking to a system that allows everyone to be happy. I am the glue in my house and my family cannot function without me. I had to shed my own prejudices about not having a full time corporate career and yet be a contributing member of the society as a SAHM or a part-time worker. Then I had to learn to be happy doing that. Being efficient and happy allows the hard-working husband to be happier at work (which hopefully then translates to professional success). Given these realizations I came to the conclusion (finally) that a few evenings out or a trip sans the family will only enhance my happiness and therefore that of my family, as well as make my kids more independent. In 2011, I chose to exercise the right by two trips - to Isarel and to Bangladesh - with gal pals. Surprisingly, I did have lots of fun. 

• During the trips I learnt something more - me-time is not time spent by myself or on myself. Its time spent doing something I like. Its time spent in enriching myself through doing or not doing. So story-telling with my son is also me-time in a way. As is going out to a movie-date with the husband. Just as much as coffee with friends or phone-rant sessions with gal pals! 
• Blogging is another me-time activity. Special mention to Monika for revoking my blog interest! The usual suspects rank high in my list too - reading (EVERY night before sleep, and now when I breastfeed my daughter too) as well as music (mostly when I take a walk or when I am in the car) and of late regular walks (I try to walk 5kms at least thrice every week). 
• With my 33rd b'day giving me a shock again about my age, I've included time spent on basic beauty care as me-time. 
• You may've noticed that cooking doesn't figure in the list. I do enjoy cooking, but given a choice would spend time reading or cleaning up! 
• I'd like to add a part-time role too as me-time, but its far away in the horizon. I'll always battle guilt for having a good degree but choosing family over a corporate career, but somewhere sometime, will take up a role that will give me happiness and time to do everything else I want to. 

My most preferred me-time activity is however traveling. It sings to my very DNA :) Give me tickets and I am ready to jump onto the next available flight to anywhere in the world. Real life interferes many times, but I will travel. Lots. 

S-E-L in Concert: A treat

On the 13th of Jan, the husband (P), sister (Poori) and her husband(AR) and yours truly decided to attend a Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy concert at OAT(Open Air Theatre), IIT - M organized as part of their culfest Saarang. I had the tickets (the cheapest gallery ones). I arrived half hour before the start of the show (supposedly at 7.00 p.m) at the venue. The husband who was headed from Bombay was delayed thanks to Jet, Poori and AR were stopped by not 1, not 2, but 3 cops and were delayed. Luckily S-E-L were also delayed. So many missed heartbeats and banging of forehead later, we found corner standing seats at the OAT.

The concert was a story of how I'd forgotten life-before-I-had-kids! I've attended my fair share of outdoor concerts - mostly the rock legends who occasionally stop by in India - Waters, Knopfler, Bryan Adams etc. (and I confess, once even Venga Boys!) and some Indian biggies (Parikrama, Indian Ocean, Euphoria et al).

Cutting back to the present, I arrived half hour before the concert (earlier than the security and policemen), was drinking ONLY water (yeah, the H2O variety!) and had a handbag the size of my husband's luggage for a week. The ushers had a ball going through my bag and trying to understand what breast pads or mobile toys or wet wipes or lanolin cream was! Anyway, they let us in.

Once the concert began, I got my groove back. At least a bit. Esp when S belted out "Pretty Woman" (the dance song of several drunken nights!). The crowds were mostly 10 years younger and had a blast dancing away, singing loudly with the music and smoking up quietly! S was a treat. He is a performer. He knew how to entertain the crowds and did it section by section. Given that he speaks Tamil, he lapsed into the local lingo and Telugu (the lingua franca of most of the crowd, it seemed), he was able to garner tremendous audience reaction. The jazz-jamming was outstanding as was Ehsaan's rock guitaring at one point. His background singers (esp Anusha Mani) were good, but their voices jarred in the higher octaves and seemed to miss the shruti. 

Candles are out, as are cigarette lighters, its mobile phones that light up to appreciate 'Taare Zameen Par' and others! Amazingly, there were no serious rowdy elements in the audience (though there were pick pockets and they managed to rid my sis of 10K that night). I remember attending Saarang in 2000 and 2001. The campus is the same, but the scale of the programs significantly bigger. Sponsors were giving away Wildstone perfume bottles and Lee T shirts! A far cry from 1L Coke bottles and coupons for a dosa in the past! The campus still follows a jhola-chappals-cycle code still and the deer still roam about with nary a worry.

All in all, a lovely night and a great experience!

Parenting Conflicts

When you have a two-month old, patchy internet and phone access and a 6 hour break from the older one, its time for intense parenting-philosophy reading and wondering what to apply and what not! Currently am reading "Bringing up Bebe" by Pamela Druckerman. Did a lot of research on "Attachment Parenting", "Baby led Weaning" and of course been faithfully reading "What to Expect". Aftermany nights of thinking and re-thinking, I realized that Parenting is not just unique to the child and parent, it extends within the microcosm to where you are (for example, currently with my parents in Chennai, vs. a nuclear set up in Bombay) and what you believe in (for example in getting Button to master English speaking first vs. Twinkle being spoken to mostly in Tamil). Of course it changes as the kids grow and you do too, and depends on mommy's moods which depends on multiple factors from the maid's work to her husband's travel to the song she's listening to or the dress she's wearing!

Based on Button, some parenting do's and don'ts in my report card.

1. I do not want to wait endlessly to potty-train Twinkle. It really messed with my mind and happiness when it came to Button. Can live without it this time.

2. I want to introduce Twinkle to more junk food. Actually, the verdict is out on this one. Button's food habits are so regular that even if I offer him chocolate after he has eaten or take him out to the most yummy bakery in town, he will not touch a morsel. Is that good? I think so. But take him to a friend's house for an impromptu dinner. Our man will still ask for dal-chaawal, dahi and subzi and refuse to touch pizza or pasta or even french fries. Introducing any western/junk/deep-fried/strange-looking food to Button is a nightmare. I want Twinkle to be more open to trying. Of course the flip-side of getting addicted is also possible.

3. I'd like Twinkle to speak more Tamil. Button understands Tamil perfectly, but his Tamil accent would rival Prince William's (if he chose to speak Tamil, that is!). He still can't pronounce the famous "zha" sound. So he says Tam-iL, instead of Tam-izh, for example.

4. I'd like to continue with Twinkle the lack of obsession with TV, or TV characters. In addition, I am going to try to keep her away from Barbie for as long as I can.

5. Button has some stranger anxiety (like several 4 year olds). He sometimes smiles instead of giving his name when asked, or finds it tough to walk up and talk to a kid that he likes on sight. Its partly because I never encouraged pushed him to speak to strangers, including neighbors in the lift and fellow-parents at school. I let him be. With Twinkle, I want her to be more social. But I also want her to not be too trusting.

6. Button's curiosity is endearing. As are his mostly good manners (and of course, am NOT objective!) I'd like for Twinkle to learn to say "Sorry" and "Thank you" too. Irrespective of social stature. (It warms my heart to hear Button thank my helper when she serves him food, for every dish).

7. Button's independence is not very good. Relatively AND absolutely. I have to tie his shoe laces (even velcro ones), wash his bum, open a bottle for him, and the door, switch channels (if he ever watches TV) AND push his swing. And he's all of 4. I'd like Twinkle to certainly be more independent.

8. Button is a darling when it comes to younger children. He cannot bully to save his life and is ALWAYS gentle. In fact, he's quite the hero and stands up to bullies. Sometimes cries, but nonetheless believes in his stance, and sticks to it. I'd love for Twinkle to emulate him. I have to give credit here to Button's progenitor. My husband is inspiring when it comes to sticking to what he thinks is right. He will not bully, or take shortcuts, or be cowed down. He will not yell that he's right or preach his standpoint either. Just the right degree of being firm. And luckily Button shows signs of inheriting.

9. Unfortunately for  Button, he's inherited his mamma's low tolerance and gets frustrated easily too. And sometimes just doesn't see merit in sticking on to his task. Wonder how to inculcate Twinkle into being more patient, without learning it first!

10. Finally (and this is just to bring the number of points to 10, instead of stopping at 9) Button's great love for books, music and physical activity. All good ones. All to be emulated.

The question is now that circumstances have changed... am not mommy to just 1 child, I live elsewhere, Twinkle has her own stubborn personality AND my husband's LOI is lower (of course not intentionally), how do I work on these? And do I learn from French parents, AND Venezuelan tribals, AND Dr.Spock, AND my granddad? Parenting conflicts begin again. Sigh. Wish me luck. 

Holidays in 2011

Yes, 2011. Most of 2012 was spent in Chennai, being pregnant. But 2011 was a dream year in terms of holidays. Here we go... 

January - A weekend in Bombay where my Israel holiday was finalized

February - Weekend in Tirupati, where Button had his second 'mottai' and another holiday in Pondy (we stayed in Hotel Annamalai, which features in 'Talash' in the scene where Aamir rides the elevator with Kareena). 

March - Holiday in Israel, a dream come true in many ways. I traveled with a friend and sans family. After 2 years of being a SAHM, it was liberating. A thought that life does exist beyond the family unit. 

April - On a whim, went to Hyd for a weekend to visit my cousin and my friends there.

May - My most luxurious holiday ever in a Private Pool Villa at Orange County. Can't wait to go there again. 

June - Tea time in Munnar. Was a Club Mahindra holiday in a private cottage. 

July, August, September - This was a 'drought' quarter! We did some day trip to Mahabalipuram, Kalpakkam and some temple visits. Also Button had started 'big school' and we were busy settling him in and preparing for various school events. 

October - The tide turned with a holiday to Trivandrum. We had a blast meeting the husband's cousin's family and taking Button on his first zoo trip. 

November - Another 'girls' only trip with 2 super-fun friends of mine... this time to Kolkata and Dhaka! We had an awesome time shopping crazily and eating all kinds of street food. 

December - In the first week of December, I went to Bangalore to attend the wedding of my friend. Met up with my B-school gang after ages and oh, what a memorable time we had! 

 

And to top off the year, went to Goa with my 'soul gang' and had an awesome time in every way! 

While going off on a whim is going to be tougher with a young baby AND a school going child, I do live in hope! Like my dear travel companion says "I live for traveling"! Here's to wanderlust.