February Portions!

Waiting for my friends

Schooling today is really a daunting affair for parents. Yeah, parents, not the children. I had a detailed Parent-Teacher's meeting for my 3.5 year old and was given a list of 'portions' for February (read list below). Other parents had 'doubts'. One wanted to know if there was any 'recommended reading'... hello, they are ALL in Pre-KG (or Nursery for the Bombay-ites).

Portions:

1. Cutting - Using scissors, cut strips of paper on the line drawn. 
2. Transport - Classify as Road, Water, Rail and Air way. Be able to talk about features of each (number of wheels, color, shape, size etc.)
3. Coloring - Be able to color using 4 colors (Hey, Button is barely able to color within the lines using 1 crayon. Now 4?) 
4. Helpers - All transport helpers - Pilot, Conductor, Driver, Captain etc. Also, equivalent names (used globally). 
5. Traffic signals - Colors, purpose, Inspector, Road rules (Now I know why Chennai doesn't follow road rules. People forget. They learn TOO early!) 
6. Stories - 2 specific stories
7. Rhymes - 8 different English rhymes + 1 Hindi + 1 Tamil 
8. Fruit Salad making (Finally, a fun activity!) 
9. Sports portions (WHAT?) - Skipping, Crawling thro' hoops, Balancing walk, Ball throw. 

Whilst the school expects these things, Button is OBSESSED with Lightening McQueen (of the Cars franchise). Imagines he lives in California and that I am Sally etc. So hopefully, he'd enjoy the classes this month. 

Parenting a child is hard enough, but with Tiger moms all around me, its getting a bit scary! What do you think? Pressure at young ages is good or not? If yes, in what quantity? Finding that line is a tough task indeed. 

Dhaka Delight!

After weeks and weeks of induliging in laziness, I finally managed to kick my own butt (thanks to my new yoga classes) and here’s my account of my recent travels. There are actually 3 places I want to cover (Munnar, Trivandrum and Kol-Dhaka), but shall do so in 3 different posts (hopefully before the year runs out!) 

New Market

After a girls-only trip to Israel in March, my friends and I picked up the courage to leave the kids home and venture on a second trip in late Oct. Due to various commitments and maid-schedules (yes!) we decided to go to Kolkata. I’ve lived in Cal for almost 2 years and I LOVE the city, but did not fancy going there for a whole week.  In a moment of pure whimsy, giving in to my tantrums, my friends agreed to go to Dhaka with me. Why Dhaka? Our Jet Miles were sufficient to only cover that distance J Pure economics, nothing else(at least initially).

Evening at Kalighat

To cut a lengthy prologue short, we arrived in Cal one lovely cool Sunday evening. Spent the next day with a really close friend of mine and my 4 months old godson.  Went to Kalighat that evening. Despite having lived for 2 years at only a stone’s throw away from the temple, I had previously never visited Kalighat. I REALLY wanted to visit the temple this time, and what a rousing reception She gave me. There were no queues, very minimal hankering for money and a lovely long darshan. Filled my heart with joy! Ate that evening at ‘6 Ballygunge Place’, a restaurant that serves authentic Bangla food. I recommend the restaurant as a must-visit – the ambience is perfect (an old Bungalow), the menu quirkily designed (all mocktails are very ‘cal’ centric) and the food, oh-so-yummmy (I only had veg food though). The nolin-gud icecream is delicious beyond imagination, the sukhtoi is an explosion of veggies and the lucchi-aloo just melts in your mouth. Two thumbs up!



The next morning we went to Dakshineshwar and Belur-Math. The temple is well maintained and beautiful.  Spent the rest of the day in shopping out Kolkata (am sure the next day was a self-declared bandh, we shopped SO MUCH!) Treated my friend to authentic street food, courtesy puchkas and Maharani. Spent a grand total of 21 INR and could barely walk after that. Cal is just the same!

A Hero's welcome indeed!

Early next morning, the 3 of us left for Dhaka. A half-hour flight led us to a lovely airport with a never-ending corridor. Thanks to our host (a friend’s really influential friend) we breezed past immigration and exited to…… chaos! “Mine is bigger than yours” is the driving mantra in Dhaka. Big minivans are the chosen vehicles to plow one’s way through the traffic or cool off, feet stretched when stuck.  Traffic is completely a jungle here… make-way-for-the-biggest-and-meanest! Estimates for going to Sonargaon from Uttara, Dhaka (about 30 kms) range from 30 mins  to 10 hours!!! We were lucky to have a super guide(Z) with us (a dear friend of one of my fellow-travelers). A witty and engaging personality, he kept us entertained  and we were in Sonaragon in a record 45 minutes (also thanks to Farukh, the brilliant driver. Move over Vettel!).

Sonargaon was the old capital of Bangladesh. We took a look at the  17^th century houses (walled in, but in good condition) belonging mostly to Hindu traders who had settled here. The streets are intact and the inscriptions on the door-arches are clearly visible. The pink sandstone houses had large courtyards for singing and dancing. Pretty trellises and carved arches spoke of the sophistication of the inhabitants here. It was surreal looking in, as if one were in a set of ‘Devdas’ …. I could almost hear the singing and dancing that went on here ages ago.

Returning from Sonargaon, we were stuck in a traffic jam for over 2 hours… and our host said we were lucky it lasted only that time!  Drove past all historical spots in Old Dhaka, with Z pointing out the key sights from the University to the Parliament building to Ahsaan Manzil, Lalbagh Palace, Kazi Nazrul’s memorial, Banga bagaan and the Old Court building. Mostly a blend of Anglo-Mughal architecture. Similar to many of the monuments we have across India, yet different and architecturally unique. We visited the Dhakeshwari temple (I guess from whom Dhaka gets her name). The kali avatar here is smiling and oh-so-pretty. The temple is maintained really well and unlike Dakshineshwar and Kalighat (which we had visited in Calcutta), there aren’t any touts here, making the spiritual experience richer and memorable.

We also had the opportunity to savor some local veg delicacies (which I strongly recommend). The first was a sweet 'pitha',  yummy dish with a nalin gud (palm jaggery) filling. The covering was made of rice noodles and garnished with coconut flakes on top. Somewhat similar to the Tamizh ‘idiyappam’, this dish had us licking our fingers for more. Where to find it? On the roadside in Old Dhaka! We also had 'dal puri', a deep-fried dish, with a batter outer covering and different fillings of potato, onion and raw banana. Similar to fritters or bhajjis, except made with mustard oil in a roadside shop in Old Dhaka J The other foods that tantalized our taste buds  were  the excellent dal (the lentil preparation had coconut shavings and poppy seeds to give it a twist), eggplant roast and the alu-parval (which traveled across its Paschim Bongo border I guess!)

On day 2, we headed off for a leisurely cruise down Sitalakhya river (I strongly recommend Guide Tours, however  only if you take the longer cruises). Our guide was an entertaining enterprising young lad (just turned 20) whose dream was to do an MBA in Delhi! He was thoroughly clued into Indian politics and cricket, and was quite a find (ask for Johnny, if you use Guide Tours). A slow ride on the river took us past the Zamindar’s old bunglow (called Zamindar bari) to a village that specializes in weaving Jaamdaani saris. After a walk around the village, we headed back after enjoying a lovely dinner onboard. 

Dhaka is known for its export-quality china. My friends bought a complete set of dinnerware, from serving bowls to dinner and quarter plates, soup bowls, spoons, tea cups & saucers et al (some 78 pieces in total) each. These sets were meant for Royal Doulton, Harrods. The retail price at Harrods is about 800 GBP and my friends picked it up for about 14000 INR!!!! Thus spake export-economics!

Day 3 rushed past in a blur of shopping in Aarong (a cooperative, a MUST-visit should you shop in Dhaka) and just making the flight back to Kolkata.

The entire trip away from family gave us perspective on how much we missed our husbands and kids J It was a lovely breather and despite raised eyebrows, Dhaka is a lovely city to visit.  Unlike what one may ‘assume’, Dhaka is NOT like any Indian city. The culture, people, language, food and even the outlook of the man-on-the-street is different from India and uniquely Bangladeshi.  And that uniqueness is endearing, warm and lively. In my opinion, it’s an affordable holiday…. Just do it!

Buttonisms : The questions we ask!

Button's Logic!

Button has been learning several shlokams  since we moved to Chennai (grandparents, school influence etc.). One of the shlokams he knows is 'Saraswati Namastubyam Varade Kamarupini'.

A couple of days ago, I told Button that my grandmother's name is Saraswati. He looked puzzled. So I repeated - "Button, amma's paati's name is Saraswati. Your big paati's name is Saraswati". 

He looked stunned and he continued "Cheenu thatha's (my dad's) name is Namastubyam, Amma's name is Varade and I am Kamarupini"!!!!!! 

Talk of extrapolation. 

Button's Candor

His personality has been growing by leaps and bounds since he joined school and began going to daycare. He is now learning to say that he "does not like" things and he "likes" others.

In the car yesterday - 

Me: "Button, do you like daycare or do you like going to your grandmom's house?"

Button: (studied silence)

Me: "Button, do you like your grandmom's house or our house?"

Button: (Continued studied silence)

Me: "Button do you like your caretaker (girl) to play with you or do you prefer going to daycare?" 

Button: "I don't like it"

Me: "What do you not like?"

Button: "I don't like the questions"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This conversation actually got me thinking. I don't know why we stop stating the obvious as we grow up. We use cliches and metaphors, or even say something that is diametrically opposite to what we are thinking. A child's honesty is refreshing. If we could communicate politely, but honestly, our lives would be SO MUCH better, ain't it? 

Button's Generosity

Button and I were in the car the other day. We had just bought a few pastries from a bakery he likes. I had packed one separately and was feeding him in the car. 

As expected, we were waiting at a red light and a ragamuffin knocked at our door - a young boy, not older than 5 or 6. He kept looking at the cake. Button looked right back at him and smiled. 

I told Button that he was hungry, his parents could not buy him a pastry. 

In a thrice, he offered the boy the pastry he was eating. He said "Mamma, he is hungry now. Lets give him a cake too. He will be a good boy and eat without spilling anything!" 

I did not have the heart to refuse my son or that boy. So saving me a few calories and buying me some goodwill, I rolled down the window and offered the boy the box of pastries. 

Charity does begin at home!

Charity means differently to different people. My grandmom believes in feeding anyone she meets.. from the daily helpers to any extended family member to any child in my building who walks past her door. If she could feed me via phone, she probably would! But clothes, old newspapers, old utensils… NO! They are meant to be ‘sold’ to the raddiwala for money. This included our old clothes, school notebooks, carefully washed Bournvita bottles and even old tattered shoes. 

My mom’s beliefs are different. She believes in ‘volunteering’ – from giving blood to teaching anyone who asks her for help to giving her seat on the bus to older travelers, she believes in extending herself. Having had to struggle financially herself, the only time she would open her wallet to give money generously was to aid education in any way – from becoming a guarantor to paying fees to hostel fees to buying books, she has done it all. 

My definition of charity? I never believed in it, until recently. I did not believe in unorganized giving – I would contribute annually to a not-for-profit of my choice, but my old clothes, books, vessels – all of them would be dumped in the dumpster, never ‘given’ to any cleaning or cooking help. I never gave ‘giving’ to my support staff any thought.

Until Button was born.

I listened to the stories of my cleaning staff’s children and I began to notice the children on the road. In my head I have categorized them as the ones belonging to ‘begging’ rackets and the ones who actually belong to families who love them, keep them, but in abject conditions (due to various reasons). The latter category I have begun to help.  I give away Button’s old toys and clothes and sometimes even books. I don’t think I can help ALL the children I see. Even the one or two I help, I sometimes wonder if I am doing the right thing giving them something that is not sustainable (and against my tenets of organized development). But I do feel sorry to see them robbed of small pleasures like a car or crayon, or even worse the necessity of clothes.

Every morning I cross this dumping ground near my office and I notice a little boy(a boy exactly the same size as Button) being fed by his mom or cuddled by an aunt or teased by his siblings. Yesterday, I saw him playing naked in a black puddle with a used paper cup - my heart sank, my stomach roiled and my temper rose. This morning, I met the mother of the boy, gave her clothes, toys and a healthy dose of ‘sanitary’ advice and reached office. Although I am not sure if I did the right thing, my heart is lighter. At least for some time the boy will not step into sludge(hopefully) and play with toys instead of  unhygienic rubbish.  

On a more proactive basis, can anyone direct me to an orphanage in Chennai that accepts donations of used toys, clothes and books? 

Let her be....

Today's women have it bad, really bad. The world expects them to be super successful at everything and yet have a serene smile on the face with perfectly coiffed hair and pale pink unchipped nails. Most people I met pre-work would ask me what I was doing and I'd grin and say that I was enjoying motherhood. Either people would stare at me as if my words were in Aramaic or smile smugly thinking of how exalted their positions were. In fact I have known friends who'd call themselves "only" homemakers, bah! Now that I have begun work (and it has been an exhausting juggler's act for 5 weeks now), I am struggling to find enough time to do everything. However, all the people I've met without exception, now nod sagely and smile appreciatively when I tell them that I work fulltime! Again, such easy judgement. As if life is easier. 

My mom worked too, She was always running around in the evenings with Bank work or Community service or some extra school work. She was quite frazzled. But my wise energetic grandmom was. She was the anchor in my house. The house revolved around her. Even in those days, she believed that cooking and cleaning were best outsourced. So, we had a cook and a maid to do the housework. She read voraciously, listened to music and talked to everyone and most importantly listened to everyone. She is 82 years old now. And doesn't regret any decision she made, except not traveling to Kashmir when she had the chance. 

That 'anchor' is an important fixture in every household. Despite the necessity of an anchor, the women who decide to stay-at-home are laughed at, patronized and ridiculed. But I salute these women, who put in everything to make the lives of their immediate family so much more meaningful. But the world won't let her be. 

Does it mean working women ought to stay at home? No. I don't plan to quit my job anytime soon. I am enjoying it!  But the anchor is important. The anchor - systematic time together is important, I've realized. I am working hard at getting the anchor into place.... God help me! 

Q & A with Button

Prologue: When Button is in a foul mood (crabby, sleepy, tired) it is easiest and most fun to ‘irritate’ him. It is also the best time to get lovely zany crazy answers about life J

All the questions below were on different days of course....he'll learn someday how amusing he was.

Me: Button, what is my sister’s name?

Button: Thumbelina!

Me: Who do you sit with in your class at school?

Button: A dinosaur and a pig!!

Me: Button, what did mamma give you in your snacks box?

Button: Many hugs (awwww, that too my son)                  

Me: Where did you go after school today?

(the answer is supposed to be his grandmom’s house)

Button: California                                                   

Me: What is appa’s brother’s name?

Button: Hanuman (It most decidedly IS not!)

Me: Who do you love more... amma or appa?

Button: Hyundai Verna !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Buttonisms - 3 going on 300!

Now that Button has become a 'big' boy, his vocabulary has significantly increased and he communicates well in 3 languages.... well 2, and understands Hindi quite well already. His 'logical thinking' leaves us stumped many a time...

Button: "Amma, you said you'd buy me a Lightning McQueen at Landmark."
Me: "Yes, we'll go this evening"
Button (at the shop): "Amma, I want Sally, Doc, King, Mater........."
Me (HORRIFIED): "Button, ONLY ONE car. Why do you want to pick up so many, it is expensive."
Button: "Amma, Lightning McQueen will feel lonely, he needs his friends!!!! Otherwise he will be 'depressed'."

As if this were not enough, his new 'wily cunning' negotiation skills stepped in then...
Button: "Amma, I will take only ONE Lightning McQueen, but please let me play with him for longer, at least he will be happy to have me"! (Is he only 3 again?)


One day my cook left home at the same time as Button and I. In the elevator,he asked her...
Button: "Sundari aunty, where are you going?"
Cook: "I am going home."
Button: "Where is your car?"
Cook: "I am going by bus."
Button (earlier he'd've professed delight at traveling by bus,but he now said):"Mom, why doesn't she have a car?"
Me (struggling to explain): "Maybe she doesn't have money to buy a car?"
Button: "Lets go to the ATM and give her money. It is hot today, let her buy a car right away."

That day, I tried explaining how each thing costs money and we have to pay money (even if it swiping a card) in order to purchase any item. Ever since, the moment I pick up something, from a potato to a perfume, he pipes up "Amma, what is the price? Can we 'afford' it? It is expensive!" Who needs a watchdog?!

My father-in-law: "So, Button, what do you want to become when you grow up?"
Button: "Fat Controller!!!" (ref: Thomas and Friends) "I want to work with all the engines and Rusty and Elizabeth and....and....and....."

In Chennai, people find it difficult to pronounce his name. So 'Dhruv' become 'Duruvu' or 'Turuvu'(also the Tamil word for grating, like grating coconut) or 'Drew'! So, he has resorted to a new trick.....
Person: "What is your name?"
Button: "Nemo, and this is my mom Dory and my appa Marlin"
Evidently, given our features, we don't look like a Dory or Marlin! Its funny to see the expressions on their faces then.

And at school, his teacher had a strange remark to make about him. Button does not like sitting on the floor for circle time. Apparently, he rubs the floor with his index finger and tells her "The floor is dirty. I'd like to sit on the chair itself, please"! (I do believe in genetics now! And understand how my mom must've felt when my teachers told her the same. Amen!)